Alien-tober: Top Ten Star Wars Aliens (Disney)

STAR WARS

Episode MMXVIII

Thunderchild has vanished. In his absence, four films into the Disney revival, the fandom is in disarray. Although THE FORCE AWAKENS and ROGUE ONE were well-received, THE LAST JEDI has divided opinions the likes of which haven't been seen since the days of the prequels. In the wake of this catastrophe, SOLO actually lost money at the box office.

Amidst the accusations of political agendas and fake reviews, one topic catches Thunderchild's eye: "the new Star Wars aliens are BORING."

Now emerging from hermitage and a day job on the occasion of Halloween, the blogger of aliens and monsters returns to try and bring something positive to the discussion in a format appealing to the lowest common denominator: a TOP TEN LIST.

10. Crolute (Unkar Plutt)

I love the blobfish-inspired facial features, and like others on this list, the fact that this character actually has a role in the story, however minor. Too many aliens get relegated to living background props, but instead this ugly junk-monger holds a place in Rey's mysterious past, and serves as an early obstacle on her "hero's journey."

9. Tognath (Two-Tubes)

It may be unclear on first viewing, but there are actually two of these guys, Edrio and Benthic, in Rogue One. The breath mask implies that the common oxygen atmosphere isn't what these guys breathe, and that makes the galaxy seem bigger with the implication of alternative biochemistries. Also it gives them an intimidating visage, emphasizing how they're on the side of the good guys, but they're not really good guys, being part of Saw Gerrera's extremists.

8. Crusher Roodown

Would be ranked higher if he wasn't an Abednedo (see below), but I love that instead of deciding between an alien or a cyborg, the filmmakers said "why not have both?" It's neat seeing a cyborg that feels like "we tried!" Where the end result is half-man, half construction equipment. There's a sad story behind this character, and we know this just from a two-second glimpse.

7. Corellian "Hound"

Alien rottweilers? Pit bulls? Either way, keep them indoors when my hypothetical niece is selling Girl Scout cookies door-to-door.

6. Ardennian (Rio Durant)

About time we saw an alien with more than two arms and legs and wasn't relegated to "Podracer #4". I loved Rio's attempts to blend in with the human troopers on Mimban like a trio of kids in a trenchcoat.

5. Drabatan (Pao)

The sole alien in the "Rogue One" squad that retrieved the Death Star plans. Nothing particularly special, I just really like his design. He also managed to be distinctive enough to draw comment by the Rifftrax guys ("GAH! Call the exterminator! You've got....those guys!")

4. Rathtar

A mess of eyes, teeth, and tentacles that moves terrifyingly fast. The filmmakers deserve credit for a design you want to stay as far away from as possible.

3. Captain Sidon Ithano / The "Crimson Corsair"

Action-figure bait? Maybe. But that kind of mentality does lead to some memorable designs. Sorry Phasma, this guy's the real Boba Fett of this trilogy.

2. Lanai (Caretakers)

Here we have what could best be described as "alien nuns." A juxtaposition of the fantastic with the familiar, the Caretakers' robes evoke images of saintly workers, underlining how the ruins of the first Jedi Temple, over a thousand generations old, are revered by this race the way many sites in the Middle East are revered. If the filmmakers had treated the source material with a little more of the same reverence and cut down on the jokes, maybe The Last Jedi would have been better received.

1. Grindalid (Lady Proxima)

Quite possibly the most truly "alien" race seen in the revival, a semi-aquatic race of albino worms who are very photosensitive. Only able to walk around the streets of Corellia in full body suits, this would explain why the White Worms gang takes human orphans into its fold, to act as their agents. Lady Proxima displays a non-humanoid aspect reminiscent of a later thorn in Han Solo's side, Jabba the Hutt. Ultimately we have a memorable character whose traits inform elements of the story, yet all left for us to infer rather than spelling it out for us. This is the kind of bizarre that aliens can bring to the table in Star Wars, and the series definitely needs more of it.

HONORABLE MENTION

Mon Calamari (Adm. Raddus and his bridge crew)

We've already seen the Mon Cal species and Admiral Ackbar will forever be remembered, even if only for an internet meme. In Rogue One we see more of his race in the Rebel Alliance, but they look distinctly different. Instead of rust-red skin, Raddus has steel-gray skin with what appears to be a paler underbelly, while his crew members seem to have pale white skin. Instead of just recycling old designs, we see new variations on something familiar, giving newfound depth to a race we recognize, indicating that there's significant diversity of appearance among these aquatic people. Worldbuilding without words. I love it.

DISHONORABLE MENTIONS

Nu-Cosian (Bobbajo the Crittermonger)

Would've made the Top Ten if he wasn't obviously a ripoff of the "Prophets" from Halo.

Better luck next time!

Porgs

Had two funny scenes in all of The Last Jedi, one of which lasted less than 5 seconds. After that Chewie should've hunted them to extinction. Then there'd be none left to guilt him out of eating them roasted (hey, Wookiees need a lot of calories, don't judge him!)

Abednedo

Just so uninspired. Flesh-toned flat rubber-faced aliens with nothing to make them stand out, but for some reason they're EVERYWHERE in Episodes VII and VIII. Every Abednedo in the trilogy could've been a Twi'lek, Ithorian, Duros, Quarren, Rodian, Ishi Tib, Sullustan....I could go on. I think when people say the aliens of Disney's Star Wars are uninspired, this specific species is what they have in mind. It makes sense that viewers should be rewarded for paying attention, and an easy way to do that is have characters be alien races we've seen before. But instead those well-rememberd aliens are all but nowhere to be found, replaced with something visually inferior. If this is the "flagship" alien race for the sequel trilogy, I'm sincerely disappointed.